How to Win at Parenting! - It's 2.47am....

I usually find a fitting quote to put at the top of each post but right now I can't find or think of one. It's 2.48am now and I'm out of bed and on my laptop. This is totally out of character for me, I need my sleep. I really struggle to function without it. Sounds silly but if I don't get enough sleep I literally have the worst tummy ache ever! What has my tummy got to do with sleep? Literally nothing will shift this tummy ache other than sleep. It's so bazaar.

I'm meant to be up at 6.30am for the school run. Pop the kettle on, make a cup of tea and then get my sprogs up and out of bed.

My Sprogs! ;)

Tonight I got tucked up in bed at 10.30pm. I thought I'd get an early night and I'll feel good in the morning. I managed to fall asleep but then baby Joseph woke me up crying, I went in and nursed him, settled him back down and went back to bed. He woke up again, about an hour later, I went back in and tried to settle him but he wanted nursing AGAIN! I nursed him again and settled him back down and climbed back into bed. It was about 12.30am by then. 

Could I go back to sleep? Could I heck! No chance. So I'm lay in bed feeling shattered and completely drained because he nursed 2 times more than he normally would and I just can't sleep, I'm tossing and turning. 

It doesn't help that I struggle to switch my brain off, so it was working over time. All I could think about was how exhausted I was, how I literally haven't stopped this weekend and all I want to do is catch up on sleep and recharge my batteries. I feel like everyone just wants to drain every little last ounce of energy I have left. Sounds dramatic I know but I feel like people just won't be satisfied until I literally collapse out of exhaustion.  

All 3 of us were poorly in this picture.

So a few hours of tossing and turning and my mind working overtime and here I am sat in front of my laptop at now 2.57am! Way past my, boring grown up life, bedtime.

I know I sound pathetic, having a moan when there are people much, much, much worse off than me in the world. And I know I am so, so blessed for my children and my partner but I'm human, I'm not perfect, so I will complain and moan about stuff from time to time. Today, this morning, is one of them times.

I can't afford therapy so you lot have to listen instead haha.

I'm a damn good mother, I'm not perfect but I am a good Mum. I give it everything I have got. Now before someone gets upset, I am not saying I am better than anyone else, I am just saying I fall in the good mother group, as may a lot of you.

But being a good mother doesn't mean you always get it right.

My eldest. I couldn't cope without him.

It doesn't mean you never complain or that you never cry, or lose your temper, It doesn't mean you only feed your children 100% organic, vegan everything and never let them watch TV.

Being a good mother is giving it your best and never, ever turning your back on your children. You might moan a bit but you'd NEVER turn your back on your kids. That's what being a good parent is, mother or father, being there for your children.

If your children know that no matter what happens you will always be there for them, then you have WON parenting. Seriously. That's all I ever wished for growing up. 

Thumbs up from Katelyn.

So I swore I would never turn my back on my children, and so far I haven't and I promise you now, I never will. 

I might complain and I might want a few hours alone, just me so I can pull myself together and get my energy back but that isn't turning my back on my children.

I'm complaining right now but I still went into Joseph every time he woke. This morning I was cleaning him up after he threw up all over himself and was crying because he didn't know what was going on. I was shattered but I was still there. I was there last week when Katelyn was randomly crying her eyes out, she didn't even know why (I think she was tired). I had loads to do, it was past her bedtime but I sat there and I held her and I let her cry.  

Flipping heck I came back from the dead after having Joshua, surely that's proof enough that I'm not turning my back on my kids, I just need to moan and cry and feel sorry for myself for a little bit haha. 

I didn't have a point to this post originally, I just felt I needed to type. I thought it might help and to be honest it actually has and has some how turned into a post that has a point...

...if you are there for your children, support them in the best way YOU can and you never turn your back on them, then you are a damn good parent! Even if you do moan and complain from time to time. 

So if you feel like I do right now, or have done in the past, don't hate yourself for it. We are human. You are still there for your children, you are still plodding along, giving all you can. So in my eyes, that's a WIN!  

My smallest monkey agrees.

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No Spend Month Challenge - Week 1

Sometimes, we need to stop analyzing the past and start planning the future.

- Unknown

It's Sunday the 1st of January, day 1 of my challenge and I decided the best plan of action was to see what I actually have in my cupboards to eat! 

We ALL have the odd tin right at the back that we aren't too sure if it's been there months or years. I know I'm not the only one who doesn't know EVERYTHING in her cupboards, so I wrote a list.

I went through all the cupboards and the fridge and the freezers and wrote down every single, in date, item that I had which was edible. Turns out I had quite a bit. 

Side note - I was in the shops the other week and swore I needed OXO cubes so I bought some. After doing this inventory of my food items, it turned out I already had a packet! I could have saved myself £2! 

After my food inventory I wrote down a list of evening meals for the week. Feels like I'm off to a good start. 😎

Day 1 - I spent nothing. I didn't need to. We had cereal for breakfast and then had a huge lunch/dinner at my Nan's house (free food, yay!) so nothing else was needed. Nice start to the challenge.

Yes I know I didn't spell potato and possibly some other words, correct! 

Haha 

But this was my meal list and my inventory.

TIP - Write down an inventory of food in your home and plan your meals for at least the week.

Day 2 - I was doing so well but ended up spending £3.50 today. £2 on laundry softener and £1.50 on a bottle of cordial. Now in my defence these were classed as necessities in our house. I was catching up on all the washing in the house and couldn't do it without softener and the cordial, well I just can't handle drinking water on it's own, knocks me sick. I'm totally ashamed but I have a sweet tooth, a really strong sweet tooth. 

I was however pretty proud of myself for not buying any chocolate or sweets whilst in the shop so that's a bonus. 

I have also started writing down in a little notebook every penny I am spending. I might learn a thing or two about my spending habits.

TIP - Write down every single thing you are spending money on, it might reveal a few things about your spending habits! 

This has really shown me just where my money goes. I recommend it.

Day 3 - We haven't left the house, so haven't spent anything. Today is the last day before the children go back to school so it's been a day of cleaning, cooking and washing. What an exciting life I lead! We had Spanish Chicken today with rice for our tea. I loved it and it used all ingredients that I already had in from doing the food inventory. 

Spanish chicken! I loved it! Yummy!

Day 4 - I'm ashamed of myself. I caved and spent £1.50 on Gold Bars! Two packets! Huge huge fail on my part. Another big fail, I spent £3 in the corner shop on a bottle of milk and a loaf of bread, which doesn't sound that bad until I tell you that later on I went to Iceland and got another loaf of bread (for the freezer to use next week) for £1 (same brand and size) and I bought a bottle of milk for £1 instead of £1.50 like at the shop. I could have saved £1 if I had gone to Iceland in the first place. I did buy a few groceries there but all necessities, excluding the gold bars which I already confessed too.

Oh one bargain thing though. I managed to pick up two 3 litre bottles of the exact same cordial I bought the other day for £3 each. That should last the rest of the month! I got 725ml for £1.50 in the corner shop and just bought 3 litres for £3. Huge, huge price difference.

TIP - Buying in bulk can sometimes save you some pennies! But make sure you always check the price against the smaller items though. Looking at price per 100g or price per 100ml usually helps. This will be listed on the price label on the store shelf.   

Day 5 - Nothing to report, I was a good girl and didn't spend a penny!

I behaved and kept my purse closed!

Day 6 - I did a big shop today but before I left the house I wrote out a list of meals, for next week and I then wrote down my shopping list and I made sure I stuck to it. Everything I bought was classed as a necessity so I'm pretty proud of myself.

Day 7 - Last day of the week. We managed a date day, ish. We went to the cinema to see Passengers. The way we got around this was vouchers haha. We had cinema vouchers from last year and then I took popcorn and a can of pop (soda for Americans) in my handbag for the each of us so today was another no spend! 

We did have a treat of chocolate chip cookies though! Homemade from ingredients I already had in the cupboard! Bonus! 

TIP - Use them vouchers if you like. I know a lot of people get vouchers for Christmas so use them, they were paid for before Christmas so technically it's money that's already been spent. 

This was super yummy! Avocado mashed up and spread onto a slice of toast

with 2 poached eggs and roasted plum tomatoes. Only sharing in case you fancied trying it.  

Over all how has this week been? It's been okay. I've learnt a lot by writing down everything I've spent and I haven't wasted food because I stuck to a meal plan and the only fail I really had was purchasing my dreaded addiction of Gold Bars (they should seriously start a support group for this!). 

I think I will have a few meals for lunch for me and Joseph for next week too. The 2 other children have school dinners so me and baby Joseph can eat the leftovers from last week! After cooking a few meals I had enough left over for one more person so I popped it in the freeze!

TIP - Most leftovers you can actually freeze. Comes in handy for lunch or dinner on another day. Remember to wait for the food to cool before putting it in the freezer. 

Anyway I have probably bored you enough so I will finish up. I've coped this week but it's only early days, the novelty will possible wear off. But I have saved money this week, which was my original intention so that has been popped into a savings account I have just opened. Yay!

You've got to start somewhere, right? 😁

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No Spend Month Challenge.

Beware of little expenses. A small leak will sink a great ship.

- Benjamin Franklin

I recently read about this no spend challenge, I'd heard about it briefly in the past but didn't know much about it. In all honesty I thought they literally meant no spending and simply begging or bartering your way through the month. Obviously I was wrong! 😂 It wasn't that bad.

So the no spend challenge is no spending EXCEPT your regular bills and your basic groceries. That's all you are allowed to spend money on. 

ALLOWED EXAMPLES

• Rent
• Gas
• Electric
• Council Tax
• Phone bill
• Any regular bills...
• Basic food shop

NOT ALLOWED EXAMPLES

• Takeaways
• Drinking
• Cinema
• Clothes shopping
• Fizzy drinks
• New electronics 

Now I'm sure the rules slightly change for some people depending on how they think. I mentioned this challenge in a money saving group (that name should be used loosely) and many people were either completely in denial or just have different views on what a necessity is. Some believe a bottle of wine and a bar of chocolate would be a necessity, I personally see that as a luxury and to be totally honest you won't save much if you keep purchasing your booze over the month. Oh and others kept commenting that they live this way all the time but pictures say otherwise. (For the record I have no issue with people treating themselves and enjoying luxuries but it's an insult to a persons intelligence if somebody lies about it.)

So this no spend month isn't meant to be fun in the traditional sense, it's a challenge, it will have tough times. But it seems to be a good idea to give your savings that bit of a boost.

I'm guessing I'm not alone when I say I have zero savings. I'm ashamed to admit that at age 27, but it's the truth. I don't have any savings and for some reason this is now starting to concern me more than it used to. I mean what if something goes wrong and I am unable to pay my rent one month, I have literally nothing to fall back on and with 3 children I think it's about time I tried to change this. 

Now I know this is a short post but it was really just to give a brief idea of what the challenge is. I have started this challenge myself and I have started a post on it but I plan on finishing that over the course of this month and then you will get a decent idea of how I coped and what I managed to save.

Fancy joining me for this challenge? If so I'd love to hear how people get on and also any tips your might have to help. Either leave a comment, message me or post on my Facebook 'like' page. 

Giddy up horsey! Onwards to our savings boost!

Watch this space! 😎

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Sorry I Vanished.

Stop allowing other people to dilute or poison your day with their words or opinions. Stand strong in the truth of your beauty and journey through your day without attachment to the validation of others.

- Dr Steve Maraboli

Just a quick one. I was really enjoying writing this blog. I felt it was somewhere I could voice what I was thinking and still involve others by having it public. Unfortunately I have ended up with a few back stabbers and haters in my life and they tried to cause a lot of trouble for me. Thankfully they failed as the truth does always prevail, may take a while but it does. 

Now I say they failed, they did in the way they wanted to hurt me but they did succeed in hurting me in another way. It totally knocked me back and made me hide from the world to a certain extent. I felt I could no longer trust anyone, including some of my family, it's the main reason why I stopped posting. I worried someone could use something from this to try and get to me again. 

Anyway after these long months of not posting anything, I have had time to work on me. I've come to realise that I don't need people like that in my life (I've separated myself from a few) and the people that try to destroy me from the shadows will no doubt still be there, but the best thing I can do is carry on. If I carry on then they lose. Hopefully it will be like at school when your parents would tell you that the bullies will soon get bored. Fingers crossed. ;) 

So now we are in the new year I have decided to try and pick things up again and get back to writing random things on here. Some may be of some interest and some may not but as the quote at the top says I will stop allowing other people to dilute or poison my day. I will stand strong and write whatever it is that I want. 

Thanks for reading and hopefully I'll have a new post for you soon. 

Oh and Happy New Year!! 

Photography - Beginner

'Life is like a camera. Focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negatives. If things don't work out take another shot.'

- Unknown

Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't been around lately. I managed to get my hands on a camera so have been playing with it. I love taking photos but only ever had my phone to take them with. I managed to get good photos with my phone but not good enough quality to print off and admire. :( 

In the past I was able to borrow one of my Dad's camera's if I ever went anywhere and enjoyed taking photos. One of my favourites was when I went to Chester and captured the below photo of an American man that was staying at the same hotel as us.

I totally fell in love with this shot. The man just seemed to have so much character and I felt the picture really spoke to me. Since then it has drove me potty not being able to attempt to get great shots again. 

But finally I've managed to get hold of a proper camera and now have the chance to play around. 

I have been so use to phone or little cameras that have no settings other than auto so now is my chance to play around with all the other settings you get on a real camera. So I'll share below some of the shots I've managed to get so far.

Hope you enjoy the photos and this is basically why you haven't heard from me in a while. Hopefully I'll improve as I go along. 

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You Have No Talents And No Passions - Have you ever said this to yourself?

'The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it.'

- Steve Jobs

When I won my national award back in 2012

If I had a pound for every time I have said to myself, 'you have no talents, you have no passions.' I would be a millionaire. Unfortunately I can be my worst enemy. I come up with ideas of things I want to do and then talk myself out of them. Time and time again I have thought, I'd like to try that but then told myself but you have no talents, you'll be rubbish, don't try. 

I don't think I'm alone in this way of thinking. I have spoken to so many people in my life and in general conversation, you can tell they too knock themselves down, they do not believe they have talents and they have no idea what their passions are and because of this they live in ground hog day. 

Day in, day out, it is the same thing. So many people are too scared to try something new. We live in fear of failure. But if we don't try how will we find our talents, how will we find our passions.

Now I am one of these people. I am 26 years old now and still do not know my passion.

Lately I have been feeling old, I know 26 isn't old but at the same time in them 26 years I still haven't discovered my passion. And in all honesty I haven't done much to try and find them either. 

I've realised lately though that I have been going about it all the wrong way. 

The things I have done and tried, most of them have been guided by money. I have thought to myself, 'right what jobs, passions or talents make money?' This is totally the wrong way to look at things.

Because of this train of thought I have completed accountancy qualifications, sign language qualifications, I have been on self employment courses, I have simply worked jobs that offered the highest wage. None of these things led me to passion or talents. Yes I completed these things and yes I made some money but it wasn't enough and I now believe the reason they didn't lead to success and money was simple because I didn't enjoy or feel passionate about any of them.

Think back to when you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

A police man? An artist? A writer? A dog trainer? A singer? Whatever it was that you wanted to be.

What happened? What changed your mind? With me it was money. Either I didn't have enough or I was told it didn't make much money so don't bother with it.

Yet we look around the world and we see successful artists, we see successful writers, singers, dog walkers.

Obviously I don't know all the information behind how they became successful, but I do know they are passionate about it and they are talented. 

But how did they find these talents? I bet they didn't find them by just sitting at home or going to the same job they hated day in day out and wait for the talent to be handed to them on a plate. I bet they went out and tried new things. I bet they failed many times, I bet they suffered a lot of criticism in the beginning but who's the loser now? Them living a life they love or us sat at home sulking and feeling sorry for ourselves because we keep telling each other we have no talents and we don't have a passion. 

When a few of us did a sponsored walk. Ended up walking almost 24 miles.

Now I'm writing this more for myself than I am anyone else. But if you are able to take something from this then fantastic. 

Looking back over my life there were a lot of things I thought I could never do. Even little things like using a lawn mower or fixing a toilet. Or even like this blog, I used to think I could never write but I see myself I have now done these things and each time I do them I get that little bit better. 

So now I've decided I have to stop putting myself into a box that I believe I cannot stretch out from. I need to realise that until I have tried, multiple times, then I will not know whether I can or can't do it. And all of you should think the same way. 

Many successful people have failed time and time again but they kept getting back up, learned from their mistakes and in the end they finally did it.

So now it's our turn, we need to stop saying we can't and start trying new things, until we try we will never know.

What new thing are you going to try this year? 

A quote from one of my favourite films, Wall e, 'I don't want to survive, I want to live!' 

Do you want to stay where you are right now or do you want to learn, grow and live!? 

Have a great day everyone and stay positive and motivated. And don't forget, try something new! ;)

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The Importance of Mother Daughter Time - Learning as I go along.

'In my daughters eyes, I am a hero. I am strong and wise. And I know no fear. But the truth is plain to see. She was sent to rescue me. I see who I want to be, in my daughter's eyes.'

- Song by Mart'na McBride

My baby girl is called Katelyn. She is now the middle child and turns 7 next month. It seems to be going so quickly. 

My pregnancy was pretty tough with her. I had severe morning sickness for over 6 months of the pregnancy, it was awful. Honestly I don't even know why they call it morning sickness, it was day and night! Thankfully the birth was easy enough, as far as giving birth goes anyway.

I had a very bad experience with my first child so when I went into labour with my daughter I stayed away from the hospital for as long as I possibly could. The time came and I knew she was ready to come into the world. I phoned the hospital, told them I was about to give birth. They asked if my waters had broken, I told them no. Their response was, get a bath and take some paracetamol. Thankfully because she was my 2nd I knew what was happening otherwise I'd of given birth in the bath!

We made our way to the hospital, everything was going smoothly but I did start pushing as soon as I was in the delivery room. At this point my waters still hadn't broken, the midwife said that they don't pop the waters at this hospital, guess today was the day they would break procedure. Katelyn was born in her amniotic sac, the midwife had to leave the room to get something to pop it haha.

Old folklore says that being born in the water sac is a sign of good luck. Only 1 in 80,000 babies are born in their amniotic sac. At the time I wouldn't have agreed it was a sign of good luck but 6 nearly 7 years on I'd say Katelyn has brought some good luck to us in the way of bringing happiness to our lives. 

I won't lie, she can be a little monster at times (another myth about being born in the water sac is the child will become a vampire haha seems fitting) but over all Katelyn has a huge heart, she is so loving and caring. She is a very emotional child, which could be seen as a bad thing, but with the world being so hard hearted these days I am glad she is in touch with her emotions. As like majority of children, Katelyn is very different to her siblings, but I think the uniqueness of each child just makes being a Mother to them all that more worth while. 

She is a leader, she is sporty, loves the outdoors, loves running around with her friends, she also loves art, anything crafty and she wants to be involved. At the moment theses traits are not seen as a good thing by her school, which does make me sad. She is expected to fit into a box that the school see as what a child should be, thankfully she keeps fighting this. 

I love my daughter very much, just as much as my other children but with her personality seeming to be an issue at the moment at school she needs me now more than ever.

She is polite, isn't disrespectful, she just struggles to sit quietly. She struggles to be a sheep simply because deep down she is a shepherd. 

I'm actually crying typing this, crazy isn't it how emotional you get as parent trying to protect your child from such a cold world.

Right, so now you know a bit of the background of my baby girl I'll get back onto 'Mother Daughter Time'.

Parent and child time is important for every single child in the world no matter the circumstances, but for today I'll just be talking about my Mother Daughter time and I hope you are all able to take something from this. 

With Katelyn going through the struggle of not fitting into the box society wants her to fit in at the moment, it is difficult for her and I have now realised the importance of one on one time more than ever. 

Your child needs to feel special. 

Your child needs to feel loved.

Your child needs to know you will make time for them.

Your child needs to know you think they are awesome.

Your child needs to know that you have their back.

It is our job as parents or guardians to tick all these boxes and make our children feel so loved that nothing and no one can stop them from being who they really are. 

Quick note - Just to be clear always remember you can be your child's friend but remember that first and foremost you are the parent and do need to set boundaries. As you will know your child better than anyone else, you will know what boundaries to set that will keep them safe but also not stop them from growing as a person. 

The above things I listed are obviously things we need to be doing everyday but one on one time is needed now and then just to have a catch up and make your child feel that extra bit special. 

Katelyn and I had some Mother Daughter time last Thursday night and Friday day. I didn't go and spend a fortune on her by spoiling her with new toys or clothes, yes that's nice but not always needed. Instead we had a girly night.

My eldest son had gone to his Grandad's for the night and my youngest was in bed so me and Katelyn had face masks, a bit of junk food and painted our nails. She loved the attention and boy did it help her open up. I couldn't shut her up haha she was telling me way more than usual. 

You know what kids are like. You ask them what they did at school and get the same response most of the time, 'I don't remember' or 'nothing.' 

The next day we were rebels and had McDonalds and did a little shopping. Just this little bit of one on one time made so much difference. She was a super star! She seemed happier, was listening better and opening up more. Over all it was a success.

I try to have one and one time with each child but unfortunately it isn't as often as I would like. After seeing the change it brought in Katelyn this time round, I will definitely be making sure I book in the time with each child to do something just with them.

I hope you were able to take something away from this post. Do you already make sure you have one on one time with your child? Do you think maybe you should make more of an effort to fit it in? Do you have any ideas on what to do? Or maybe experiences you'd like to share? I'd love to hear. Leave a comment or direct message. 

Love your babies and enjoy parenthood! :) 

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