I usually find a fitting quote to put at the top of each post but right now I can't find or think of one. It's 2.48am now and I'm out of bed and on my laptop. This is totally out of character for me, I need my sleep. I really struggle to function without it. Sounds silly but if I don't get enough sleep I literally have the worst tummy ache ever! What has my tummy got to do with sleep? Literally nothing will shift this tummy ache other than sleep. It's so bazaar.
I'm meant to be up at 6.30am for the school run. Pop the kettle on, make a cup of tea and then get my sprogs up and out of bed.
My Sprogs! ;)
Tonight I got tucked up in bed at 10.30pm. I thought I'd get an early night and I'll feel good in the morning. I managed to fall asleep but then baby Joseph woke me up crying, I went in and nursed him, settled him back down and went back to bed. He woke up again, about an hour later, I went back in and tried to settle him but he wanted nursing AGAIN! I nursed him again and settled him back down and climbed back into bed. It was about 12.30am by then.
Could I go back to sleep? Could I heck! No chance. So I'm lay in bed feeling shattered and completely drained because he nursed 2 times more than he normally would and I just can't sleep, I'm tossing and turning.
It doesn't help that I struggle to switch my brain off, so it was working over time. All I could think about was how exhausted I was, how I literally haven't stopped this weekend and all I want to do is catch up on sleep and recharge my batteries. I feel like everyone just wants to drain every little last ounce of energy I have left. Sounds dramatic I know but I feel like people just won't be satisfied until I literally collapse out of exhaustion.
All 3 of us were poorly in this picture.
So a few hours of tossing and turning and my mind working overtime and here I am sat in front of my laptop at now 2.57am! Way past my, boring grown up life, bedtime.
I know I sound pathetic, having a moan when there are people much, much, much worse off than me in the world. And I know I am so, so blessed for my children and my partner but I'm human, I'm not perfect, so I will complain and moan about stuff from time to time. Today, this morning, is one of them times.
I can't afford therapy so you lot have to listen instead haha.
I'm a damn good mother, I'm not perfect but I am a good Mum. I give it everything I have got. Now before someone gets upset, I am not saying I am better than anyone else, I am just saying I fall in the good mother group, as may a lot of you.
But being a good mother doesn't mean you always get it right.
My eldest. I couldn't cope without him.
It doesn't mean you never complain or that you never cry, or lose your temper, It doesn't mean you only feed your children 100% organic, vegan everything and never let them watch TV.
Being a good mother is giving it your best and never, ever turning your back on your children. You might moan a bit but you'd NEVER turn your back on your kids. That's what being a good parent is, mother or father, being there for your children.
If your children know that no matter what happens you will always be there for them, then you have WON parenting. Seriously. That's all I ever wished for growing up.
Thumbs up from Katelyn.
So I swore I would never turn my back on my children, and so far I haven't and I promise you now, I never will.
I might complain and I might want a few hours alone, just me so I can pull myself together and get my energy back but that isn't turning my back on my children.
I'm complaining right now but I still went into Joseph every time he woke. This morning I was cleaning him up after he threw up all over himself and was crying because he didn't know what was going on. I was shattered but I was still there. I was there last week when Katelyn was randomly crying her eyes out, she didn't even know why (I think she was tired). I had loads to do, it was past her bedtime but I sat there and I held her and I let her cry.
Flipping heck I came back from the dead after having Joshua, surely that's proof enough that I'm not turning my back on my kids, I just need to moan and cry and feel sorry for myself for a little bit haha.
I didn't have a point to this post originally, I just felt I needed to type. I thought it might help and to be honest it actually has and has some how turned into a post that has a point...
...if you are there for your children, support them in the best way YOU can and you never turn your back on them, then you are a damn good parent! Even if you do moan and complain from time to time.
So if you feel like I do right now, or have done in the past, don't hate yourself for it. We are human. You are still there for your children, you are still plodding along, giving all you can. So in my eyes, that's a WIN!
My smallest monkey agrees.
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