My First Kiss...

'We all have such high expectations of our first kiss, but we are soon disappointed.' 

- Charlotte Dakota

I'm unsure if every person thought so much about their first kiss, but I know I did. As a little girl reading or hearing about all the different fairy tales out there. How important and magical a kiss was, it put so much pressure on you! But you still wanted it to be just perfect!

You'd tell yourself, one day I will be old and looking back on my life and remember my first kiss, and it will be amazing. 

Fail! Complete and utter lie, well it was for me. To begin with, because I had such high expectations of it, I also put a lot of pressure on myself for when it happened. I needed it to be just right, like in all the movies.

It would be the perfect setting, a tall dark handsome male, and the kiss would stop the Earth from spinning and in that moment it would be just me and him. Nobody else would matter, nothing else would matter because at that time, it would all be about two people who were so crazy about each other, they wanted nothing more than their lips to meet. 

Now yes I know that sounds super cheesy and lame, but I know I'm not the only girl out there with this expectation of their first kiss. We all dream of that fairy tale. And if you deny it, then I don't believe you. I can't possibly be the only girl in the world who thought like this, if I was, then we wouldn't have all these romantic movies portraying the perfect kiss.

Back to reality. From a young age I had this image in my head of how it would all be, but then I had the biggest worry any young girl could have. What if I do it wrong?! What if we both tilt our heads the same way? Do we just keep it as a peck or do we use tongues like the older teens do? What if my mouth is too dry, or too wet? Maybe I'll have bad breath? Do I go in for the kiss first or does he? Eyes open or eyes closed? Just too many questions and worries for one young girl to handle! 

Anyone who knows me, will know how much I over think things and how worried I get. Unfortunately this has not changed since growing up, I am just the same. I always let fear get the better of me. 

Thinking back to when I was in year 3 (age about 7 years old), the older kids in the school got a few of us young ones to play, 'boys catch the girls and kiss them'. I was 7, so obviously it's not really something that you think about much, but was still old enough to have a little crush on someone and mine was a boy called James in my class. 

He was playing the game too, so I ran and ran and ran. I wasn't ready to be kissed! I was too young and too scared. But he caught me! Right against this wall and what did I do? I burst into tears, completely sobbed! I had the chance to have a kiss off my crush but I bottled it and cried! Looking back, it was for the best, I was only 7!

Fast forward from then to age 13. I still had not been kissed and I still had all them same worries and questions. I felt like I was never going to have that moment. I know some will think 13 is still young, and looking back now I agree it is, but at the time all the other kids were kissing! I was called lots of names for not ever being kissed. It was hard, no teenager wants people laughing at them! 

So I had recently joined the Air Cadets, loved it, it was brilliant and I would suggest any teen or parent with a teen, sent them to Air Cadets. That's a different story though, will come back to that another time. 

I loved the Air Cadets and on this particular weekend we are doing a practice run for our Duke of Edinburgh. We were in the Derbyshire Dales, it was beautiful. We all had a great time hiking, were all completely shattered but still had that little bit of energy. Come dinner time we were all taken into the small town of Bakewell. It was such a cute little place and most of us got chippy and split off into groups, just to have a wander around the town. I was with my best ginger friend, Jamie (who I love so dearly) and a posh guy called Edward, he was kinda funny but more in a laugh at, rather than laugh with kind of way. Nice guy. 

It was dark by now and the temperature was dropping. Like a normal teenage girl I was not dressed for the weather. I had a super thin, waterproof jacket on. It literally provided no warmth at all. I was freezing! Then one of the older cadets came over chatting, noticed I was cold and told me to go for a walk as it would warm me up. So I did. 

Okay pause for a moment, we are getting to the actual story of my first kiss now. What I am telling you is all true but I will have to change his name for privacy reasons I guess. Plus don't really want to get in trouble for writing about him haha. So we shall call him Chris, it's a common name, could be anyone. Oh but if you were interested, he's happily married now :) Isn't that lovely? 

Back to the story, so I'm walking. Bakewell is a beautiful little town, even more beautiful at night. Now this will sound made up but honestly it's really not, it was this perfect. It was a crisp, clear night. You could see the stars in the sky, it was chilly but not windy or wet. It was just a perfect night. I had a wander around the village and came to a bridge over a river. It was dark but there were fairy lights from what I think was a nearby restaurant. There were still come ducks in the water even though it was dark. The river was flowing so gently. It was perfect. It was the setting you have seen time and time again in all the romantic films. You could not have chosen a better setting. But in this moment I had no idea I was about to have my first kiss. 

I stood for a few minutes admiring how beautiful this setting was. I thought this is the silver lining to being freezing. I wouldn't have come to this place otherwise. It was just stunning. So as I stood taking it all in, someone came up behind me. Now this is the point where anyone thinks, 'oh my goodness, I knew it couldn't be this perfect, I'm about to be attacked'. That's what went through my head anyway haha. But no I was fine, it was only Chris, the older cadet who had suggested I take the walk to warm up. I turned to face him, and he didn't give me chance, didn't even speak to me. He just went straight in for the kill! He planted a big kiss on my lips, teeth hitting each other it was that hard. Oh no! This was my first kiss? This! I was in the perfect setting, the setting any girl in the world would dream to be in for their first kiss and this is what happens, with someone I didn't even want to kiss! Gutted, that is the only word I really have for it, totally gutted! 

What happened next was just a repeat in the history of my life, I cried and ran. I seem to do that a lot. Just to make it worse, a few of the other girl cadets came out of nowhere to see what had happened. I was so embarrassed, I would never live this down. 

That was my first kiss, so close to being perfect, yet it fell flat on its face. One thing I did learn from it though is, even the older ones don't always know how to kiss. ;) Over the years I realized that everyone is different, nobody really kisses the same way. I should never have worried. If I could go back to my younger self, I would tell her, don't panic. It isn't always perfect, just go with the flow and see where it takes you. I guess you just end up kissing a few frogs until you find that person who kisses you just right. That person who makes the world stop spinning in that moment you connect. 

Hope you enjoyed reading about my first kiss. I love first kiss stories, so many are totally awkward, that's what makes them so fun to hear about! 

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Me age 13. No wonder I hadn't been kissed!