'The most difficult part of dating as a single parent is deciding how much risk your own child's heart is worth.'
-Dan Pearce
Why I am writing about this particular subject? Well recently I was told that I was 'lucky' someone was dating me considering I have 2 children from a previous relationship. This made me really mad. Lucky? Am I a charity case? Am I worthless because I have 2 children and I am no longer with the father? Being a single parent does not make you worse or any better than a woman without children. Both situations have there pros and cons. Same goes for men with children or without them.
You could be a single person with no children and be one of the most selfish, self centred, dumb people in the world. Just because you don't have children doesn't make you all high and mighty. You could also be a single person with children and be just like that. Kids do not make you who you are as a person, if anything they just reveal more about your character.
I understand there are hard things when it comes to dating a single parent, juggling time for each other, childcare, getting to know the children, having to see if you get on with the mother/father as well as the kids. You do have more people to think about and a lot more to analyse when deciding, is this relationship going to work? But at the same time that single parent needs to ask them same questions about you.
Just because someone has children doesn't mean they will bow down at your feet because a single person without children has shown an interest. You could be a complete jerk. Single parents are allowed to be just as 'picky' as individuals without children.
So I decided to do a little research, find out what the current views are on dating single parents and what was my result? It wasn't pretty. Mainly from men, which I was disappointed in because I am forever defending men (that's for a different article though).
Some of the opinions I came across were pretty harsh, 'All single mothers sleep around and are too dumb to use protection!' That was a harsh one, another said that, '...single parents are just out to get your money...' Lovely stereotypes of single parents. They are all money grabbers, who love to sleep around and are too dumb to use protection. I'm sure that's what happened to all the people who became parents after marriage and then for a number of reasons became single, whether it was divorce or the partner dying. You can't group everyone together, it's just not fair. Also you have failed contraception, that happens often and then mix that with anti-abortion views. Why should these children suffer because of either accidents or just mistakes their parents may have made?
Okay so I could go on for hours about this topic but I won't instead I'll stick with what I originally planned on doing. Pros and cons of dating a single parent (male or female).
Side note - Whilst researching, there were 1000's of videos and articles saying don't date single mothers, really really struggled to find articles about not dating single dads. Usually I'm all for sticking up for men but in this case, I'm on the woman's side. It takes 2 to tango, for every single mother there is a single dad, whether they are in contact with the child or not.
Side note - Whilst researching, there were 1000's of videos and articles saying don't date single mothers, really really struggled to find articles about not dating single dads. Usually I'm all for sticking up for men but in this case, I'm on the woman's side. It takes 2 to tango, for every single mother there is a single dad, whether they are in contact with the child or not.
Remember - There will always be an exception, everybody is different but I would like to at least throw a few positives out there. Considering the world has the highest number of single parents than ever. Sometimes you need to open your mind and consider the alternatives.
I'll start with the cons. Some may only relate to mothers, some may relate to both.
Cons.
1. Past partners - meaning the father or mother of the child whose parent you are dating. They could have a huge impact on your new relationship. Could cause drama or problems.
2. Childcare - In some cases the single parent has the child full time because the other parent is completely absent. Finding babysitters so you can go out on a date can be an issue.
3. Child may resent you - this depends on the single parent, any decent one would end the relationship if it was such a huge issue with the child. I know for one I would. But if the relationship continued this can be a problem.
4. Discipline - How a child is disciplined may not be what you agree with, this is not your child so you don't really have a say other than walk away. If you are in a relationship with a single parent who you do not agree with how they discipline their child then you should walk away, it will make you uncomfortable and if you were to have future children with this person it could cause problems.
5. Cost - If you end up in a serious relationship with a single parent it may cost you more than dating someone without kids. If it got serious you may start to treat the child or buy presents for him/her. That is obviously your call. In some cases you may come across a single parent expecting you to provide completely for their child, then I suggest you reassess the situation.
Pros.
1. See their true colours - Being a single parent it is hard to hide a lot of your character, you tend to show your true colours sooner as you haven't got the energy to play games and hide things (obviously this isn't always the case). So dating a single parent you get the chance to see how they are with children, if they are selfish, how they would care for a home if you were to end up together. This is a bit of a bonus compared to a person without children.
2. Knows the value of money - Having a child and providing for another human being usually is a strain on money, as they have to provide for a child along with things for themselves. A lot of single parents are used to budgeting so value money a lot more. This could be a bonus for you, save you a fortune as they will be considerate of your finances and appreciate things a lot more. They were providing for their child long before you came along.
3. Handy skills - Caring for another life means you need to know a few things. Usually single parents are great with cleaning, organizing, cooking, washing. They have to do it as nobody else will. So enjoy the yummy home cooked meals you'll be getting. A lot of people without children can only just about make a pot noodle! (I know this isn't always the case, but higher chance of them knowing these things.)
4. Loving and caring - As a mother myself I am loving and caring towards my children as it is expected and I want to be that way. So you begin to realize how important love and affection is to another person and it comes easier if you are already showing that day in and day out.
5. Kids are cool - Okay this one sounds silly but majority of us still have that inner child, we still like to do fun child things, play games, watch cartoons, get back on that indoor play area (only time adults get to go on them is to save their child, use that excuse!). Some kids are cool to be around, you never know you could become good friends with a child and you also have that little sidekick to go to see the latest Disney film in the cinema or visit a farm without looking like the creepy person with no kids haha.
At the end of the day relationships all depend on whether the two main parties click or not. But don't rule someone out just because they have children. In today's society we have a lot of single parents, both male and female and if you limit yourself to only dating a person without kids, you could just well be missing out on your one true love. Who knows.
Couple of tips for dating if you are either with or without kids.
Do NOT introduce your children so soon to a new partner. It will just mess with the child's mind if things do not work out.
Pay attention to those real red flags! If the discipline you witness towards a child is completely against what you believe, walk away, seriously just walk. You won't be able to change the person.
If you believe the person is just after money or just after some 'action' then just don't waste your time. Too many gold diggers and players.
If they have children but do not have contact with them, find out why. It could be a huge warning sign.
Other than that, remember your worth and enjoy dating!
I'll start with the cons. Some may only relate to mothers, some may relate to both.
Cons.
1. Past partners - meaning the father or mother of the child whose parent you are dating. They could have a huge impact on your new relationship. Could cause drama or problems.
2. Childcare - In some cases the single parent has the child full time because the other parent is completely absent. Finding babysitters so you can go out on a date can be an issue.
3. Child may resent you - this depends on the single parent, any decent one would end the relationship if it was such a huge issue with the child. I know for one I would. But if the relationship continued this can be a problem.
4. Discipline - How a child is disciplined may not be what you agree with, this is not your child so you don't really have a say other than walk away. If you are in a relationship with a single parent who you do not agree with how they discipline their child then you should walk away, it will make you uncomfortable and if you were to have future children with this person it could cause problems.
5. Cost - If you end up in a serious relationship with a single parent it may cost you more than dating someone without kids. If it got serious you may start to treat the child or buy presents for him/her. That is obviously your call. In some cases you may come across a single parent expecting you to provide completely for their child, then I suggest you reassess the situation.
Pros.
1. See their true colours - Being a single parent it is hard to hide a lot of your character, you tend to show your true colours sooner as you haven't got the energy to play games and hide things (obviously this isn't always the case). So dating a single parent you get the chance to see how they are with children, if they are selfish, how they would care for a home if you were to end up together. This is a bit of a bonus compared to a person without children.
2. Knows the value of money - Having a child and providing for another human being usually is a strain on money, as they have to provide for a child along with things for themselves. A lot of single parents are used to budgeting so value money a lot more. This could be a bonus for you, save you a fortune as they will be considerate of your finances and appreciate things a lot more. They were providing for their child long before you came along.
3. Handy skills - Caring for another life means you need to know a few things. Usually single parents are great with cleaning, organizing, cooking, washing. They have to do it as nobody else will. So enjoy the yummy home cooked meals you'll be getting. A lot of people without children can only just about make a pot noodle! (I know this isn't always the case, but higher chance of them knowing these things.)
4. Loving and caring - As a mother myself I am loving and caring towards my children as it is expected and I want to be that way. So you begin to realize how important love and affection is to another person and it comes easier if you are already showing that day in and day out.
5. Kids are cool - Okay this one sounds silly but majority of us still have that inner child, we still like to do fun child things, play games, watch cartoons, get back on that indoor play area (only time adults get to go on them is to save their child, use that excuse!). Some kids are cool to be around, you never know you could become good friends with a child and you also have that little sidekick to go to see the latest Disney film in the cinema or visit a farm without looking like the creepy person with no kids haha.
At the end of the day relationships all depend on whether the two main parties click or not. But don't rule someone out just because they have children. In today's society we have a lot of single parents, both male and female and if you limit yourself to only dating a person without kids, you could just well be missing out on your one true love. Who knows.
Couple of tips for dating if you are either with or without kids.
Do NOT introduce your children so soon to a new partner. It will just mess with the child's mind if things do not work out.
Pay attention to those real red flags! If the discipline you witness towards a child is completely against what you believe, walk away, seriously just walk. You won't be able to change the person.
If you believe the person is just after money or just after some 'action' then just don't waste your time. Too many gold diggers and players.
If they have children but do not have contact with them, find out why. It could be a huge warning sign.
Other than that, remember your worth and enjoy dating!
Who wouldn't want us? ;)
The fact that a girl hasn't got children doesn't mean they haven't killed a few in the past. There are women that use abortion as a contraceptive so they may not be the prize you think you're getting.
ReplyDeleteI guess Love is seeing past the faults and imperfections so if a guy/girl isn't interested because you have children from a previous relationship they really aren't for you anyway.